{"id":11314,"date":"2026-04-03T06:05:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-03T10:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/?post_type=moa_podcasts&#038;p=11314"},"modified":"2026-03-27T15:00:57","modified_gmt":"2026-03-27T19:00:57","slug":"lone-wolves-tri","status":"publish","type":"moa_podcasts","link":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/moa_podcasts\/lone-wolves-tri\/","title":{"rendered":"Lone wolves (TRI)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"11314\" class=\"elementor elementor-11314\" data-elementor-post-type=\"moa_podcasts\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7fdf6c7e e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"7fdf6c7e\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6fa3d61a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6fa3d61a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n<p>Just as the \u201coutlaw biker\u201d stereotype can be synonymous with motorcyclists in the minds of polite society, the \u201clone wolf\u201d is a popular rider persona recognized by many within the enthusiast fold\u2014and rightfully so. While the outlaw biker image is indeed aspirational for a significant subset of Walter Mitty-esque cos-players, I think the percentage of authentic examples is miniscule compared to the rest of us. By contrast, I\u2019m convinced a large swath of riders treasure and rely upon the me-time they get in the saddle as a much-needed respite from the perpetual bombardment of interpersonal contacts experienced everywhere else. I\u2019m not talking about interactions that are necessarily aversive in themselves, although those are no doubt powerful motivators to seek solitary escape. I\u2019m focusing instead on the <em>sheer volume<\/em> of exchanges, many\u2014if not most\u2014of which may be treasured and enjoyable. Nevertheless, they can involve considerable psychological strain and drain, with restoration only possible in their absence. Riding, even in a group, is a largely private, solitary affair that can act as a soothing balm amidst overwhelm or monotony in the social sphere. With wheels turning, we\u2019re typically unperturbed by emails, texts, phone calls, social media and news flashes. Such intrusions have become a relentless stream of disruptions in modern life. Although some of these contain positive information and reflect dear attachments to others, they can wear us out before we even begin to deal with all the friends, family and coworkers vying for our attention in person.<\/p>\n\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-4298 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-300x264.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"220\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-4298 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-300x264.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"220\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-300x264.jpg 300w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-1024x901.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-768x676.jpg 768w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-1536x1351.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Mark-Barnes-w-F800-2048x1801.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/><\/noscript>It\u2019s a common misconception that extroverts <em>like<\/em> interacting with other people and introverts <em>do not<\/em>. This is absolutely wrong! It\u2019s much more accurate to say extroverts are <em>energized<\/em> by lots of interaction and wilt or grow restless without it, whereas introverts are rapidly <em>depleted<\/em> by engagement and need time away to refuel, no matter how gratifying they find their relationships with others. It\u2019s not surprising that introverts are the more misunderstood of these two groups, given their minority status\u2014about 25% of the general population. Extroverts typically construe introverts according to what their behavior would mean if displayed by another extravert: an introvert avoiding contact must not like the other people or want to have relationships with them.<\/p>\n\n<p>Actually, most introverts prize their relationships very, very highly, but they can only tolerate the associated effort and (over-)stimulation in modest amounts. Hence, they prefer one-on-one or small group interactions over crowds, and while they may engage with extraordinary depth, they also need to take extensive breaks. Extroverts may nod to such dynamics in the abstract without really grasping them; it\u2019s all too alien to comprehend. They may be hurt, offended or baffled by an introvert\u2019s apparent reluctance to get together, despite any explanations the introvert provides (which can just sound like contrived excuses to the extrovert). The typical extrovert will equate the introvert\u2019s expressed need for downtime with their own need for rest and relaxation\u2014which they enjoy <em>with other people<\/em>. That is <em>not<\/em> the same thing! For an introvert, going to a party after work can feel like traveling from one job to another, not switching from work to play. Again, this may not reflect any dislike of the people involved; it\u2019s a matter of having exhausted the capacity to digest accumulated interpersonal stimulation.<\/p>\n\n<p><iframe class=\"lazyload\" style=\"border: none;\" title=\"Embed Player\" data-src=\"https:\/\/play.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/40645545\/height\/192\/theme\/modern\/size\/large\/thumbnail\/yes\/custom-color\/f2cb9f\/time-start\/00:00:00\/hide-playlist\/yes\/download\/yes\/font-color\/000000\" width=\"100%\" height=\"192\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n<p>Now, like most any category applied to human beings, extrovert and introvert are not black-and-white distinctions. People are one way or the other to varying extents, but they will lean toward a side, even if they sometimes feel a bit like the opposite. So, I\u2019m not saying all motorcyclists are lone wolf introverts. I <em>am<\/em> saying a) it makes sense introversion would be a contributing factor to someone\u2019s choice of motorcycling as an avocation, given the solitude it affords (and even imposes), and b) many motorcyclists, even those who aren\u2019t particularly introverted, find indispensable solace in the escape from other people that riding provides.<\/p>\n\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-11301 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_winnicott.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"236\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-11301 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_winnicott.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"236\" \/><\/noscript>Decades ago, when I wrote a series of articles entitled \u201cWhy We Ride\u201d for <em>Motorcycle Consumer News<\/em> (it later became the cornerstone for my book of the same name), I read hundreds of handwritten\u2014that\u2019s how long ago it was!\u2014answers sent in by readers in response to questions exploring their motivations for riding motorcycles. That series distilled the recurring themes I found in their replies. Looking back on it now, I should have noted more explicitly the salience of solitude in three of the seven identified themes: Freedom, Autonomy and Relaxation. The problem with doing so is we can enjoy any of these with companionship; solitude isn\u2019t necessarily a requirement. However, most who portrayed these themes as major motivators highlighted their enhancement by greatly reduced, or totally eliminated, interaction with other people. Some added that even good riding buddies could spoil things just by being involved\u2014not in any overtly negative way, but by making the riding experience continuous with life elsewhere; the desired escape from endless coordination with others\u2019 schedules and preferences was rendered less complete by their mere presence. For example, the pursuit of freedom or autonomy might chafe against the inevitable compromises involved in route selection or timing. A lone rider could spontaneously chart their own course with no such considerations or constraints. With regard to the theme of relaxation, I\u2019ll start with a detour through a couple of concepts from the renowned British psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott.<\/p>\n\n<p>Winnicott eschewed much of the technical jargon commonly used by his contemporaries during the mid-1900s. Instead, he used plain language in a somewhat novel and almost poetic manner. This can make his writing a little puzzling at first, because you think you know what his words mean, but then realize he\u2019s using them in idiosyncratic ways that require unpacking. Here\u2019s the relevant example: Winnicott spoke of the capacity to \u201cbe alone in the presence of the other.\u201d Sounds like a contradiction, right? He was referring to a person who could <em>relax into<\/em> <em>a thoroughly unselfconscious state<\/em>, regardless of another\u2019s proximity. This turns out to be a rather rare ability, or at least one seldom possible. Obviously, only an obnoxious buffoon would go around oblivious or utterly indifferent to everyone else\u2019s reaction to them. However, in a very comfortable relationship, we\u2019re much less worried than usual about the other\u2019s judgement, fragility or neediness; we can simply do our own thing without any more externally focused concern than we\u2019d have alone in an empty house. That doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t care about the other person. It just means we can relax to much the same degree as if we were actually by ourselves. Some people have never experienced this level of safety in any relationship, either because they\u2019ve lacked sufficiently benevolent attachments or they can\u2019t trust those that truly are safe. For most others it\u2019s an infrequent occurrence beyond a blissful infancy wherein they could take for granted their caregiver\u2019s steady, supportive, unintrusive presence. Those who are extremely sensitive to the interpersonal dimension can find such a state difficult or impossible to achieve. This may have little to do with the other person\u2019s lack of benevolence or the introvert\u2019s personalized mistrust.<\/p>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11296 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert-1024x696.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"696\" class=\"wp-image-11296 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert-1024x696.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert-1024x696.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert-300x204.jpg 300w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert-768x522.jpg 768w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_introvert.jpg 1400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n<p>Part of what can drain introverts during interactions\u2014or even just being in another\u2019s presence\u2014is the constant vigilance they feel compelled to maintain. It\u2019s not that they\u2019re paranoid, expecting an attack, but they may (often with uncanny accuracy) be keenly aware of the potential for some disrupting reaction by the other. The fact it\u2019s not happening at the moment is irrelevant; it could still arise at any time. It might be disappointment, criticism (voiced or not), taking offense, burdensome or guilt-inducing need, or any one of numerous other elements the introvert could experience as pressure to perform in a certain way. Even a kind gesture can feel jarring and demand a response, interrupting and diverting the introvert\u2019s naturally inward-facing attention (when not actively engaged with another person). \u201cVigilance\u201d isn\u2019t the right word in many cases, as that makes it seem more volitional than it really is. The experience can instead be continuous sensitivity, a constitutional, involuntary, passive-receptive characteristic rather than an intentionally active watchfulness. For those who cannot relax very deeply in another\u2019s presence, the only relief is geographical\u2014they must achieve <em>physical<\/em> distance. Winnicott also talked about \u201cseparateness without separation.\u201d This is the idea intermittent disconnection from another person need not rupture the relationship. The fundamental security of a healthy attachment abides, even during periods of disengagement. One can take a break and the relationship will still be there, intact, when they return, whether it was merely a pause in attention or a genuine absence. Robust connections don\u2019t require ceaseless monitoring and maintenance, but highly sensitive people have trouble dialing these down.<\/p>\n\n<p>Ideally, one could ignore the other\u2019s presence without it being taken as an insult or having it prompt withdrawal or retaliation. I don\u2019t mean the other person\u2019s communications would be ignored, like when someone is \u201cgiven the cold shoulder.\u201d The ignoring here is just at a level that relieves the need to continuously watch and tend to the other person, and to temporarily attenuate the awareness of their potential actions and reactions despite them being <em>right there<\/em>. If such safety cannot be experienced with others present, the person will flee to solitude and savor it there. The uniquely surly poet and writer Charles Bukowski famously remarked, \u201cI don\u2019t hate people\u2026 I just feel better when they\u2019re not around.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p>Introverts\u2019 heightened sensitivity can make them especially empathic, compassionate and appreciated in their relations with others, but the flip side is they can also become weary and irritated when unable to refuel alone. (For a deeper dive, read <em>The Highly Sensitive Person<\/em> by Elaine Aron. HSPs will find it helpful in understanding issues non-HSPs have misinterpreted throughout their lives.) Even extroverts occasionally need a peaceful recess from their multitude of entanglements, no matter how exciting and pleasurable those usually are. When relaxation requires a reduction in the noisy tensions of interaction, motorcycling offers a highly effective antidote to the din of daily social existence, whether riding away from it all or taking refuge in the sanctuary of the garage.<\/p>\n\n<p>I don\u2019t mean to equate introversion with keen sensitivity to others\u2019 feelings, although there\u2019s much overlap. Some introverts are insensitive or inaccurate regarding their emotional surroundings, and plenty of extroverts are quite good at picking up on how others feel. It\u2019s just that introverts and highly sensitive people (from either group) find solitude an absolute necessity because of how tough it is for them to disengage as long as they\u2019re physically with other people.<\/p>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11297 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf-1024x680.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"680\" class=\"wp-image-11297 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf-1024x680.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf-1024x680.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf-768x510.jpg 768w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/barnes_lonewolf.jpg 1400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n<p>Everyone has an easier time reflecting in silence. Our inner voice can be faint, garbled and difficult to discern, even when we try hard to listen. Many motorcyclists hate communicators because they relish the sublime quiet inside their helmet, where their minds are free of the obligation to acknowledge and respond to others, and their attention can drift inward. I don\u2019t mean they abandon the situational awareness necessary for safety; such reverie would be seriously problematic! Rather, their minds are <em>partially<\/em> absorbed in those matters, with attention waxing and waning as needed. They may be laser-focused during tight switchbacks or dense traffic but then activate a limited version of autopilot on familiar, wide-open stretches of empty road. The remaining mental space can then be devoted to pondering what bubbles up. Ever notice how profound insights sometimes arrive while you\u2019re in the shower? It turns out creative and integrative thinking is most likely to occur when the mind is lightly occupied with familiar, mostly automatic activities\u2014just enough to keep us from trying to concentrate on something \u201cimportant.\u201d In this mode, we\u2019re most open to thoughts that have been incubating on the periphery of awareness, waiting to emerge. We\u2019re not looking for them. In fact, they\u2019re harder to find when we deliberately hunt them. Instead, they arise unbidden, seemingly out of nowhere. These can be vitally important messages from deep within us. Solitude allows recognition of our hidden selves, the parts that get drowned out by all the commotion of social interaction.<\/p>\n\n<p>Whether we\u2019re an introvert needing to recharge or an extrovert reconnecting with our interior, time spent as lone wolves paradoxically enhances our interactions with the rest of the pack when we rejoin them. We return refreshed, more self-aware and ready to fully engage again.<\/p>\n\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><!-- wp:image {\"id\":6982} --><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-6982 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"135\" class=\"wp-image-6982 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner-300x34.jpg 300w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner-1024x115.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/MOA-Foundation-Logo-banner-768x86.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<p><!-- \/wp:image --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><em>The Ride Inside with Mark Barnes<\/em> is brought to you by the <a href=\"https:\/\/bmwmoaf.org\/fundraising\/safemiles-endowment\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">MOA Foundation<\/a>. You can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bmwmoa.org\/page\/membertypes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">join the BMW Motorcycle Owners of America<\/a> quickly and easily to better take advantage of the Paul B. Grant and Clark Luster training reimbursement programs offered by the Foundation.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<hr \/><!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Just as the \u201coutlaw biker\u201d stereotype can be synonymous with motorcyclists in the minds of polite society, the \u201clone wolf\u201d is a popular rider persona recognized by many within the enthusiast fold\u2014and rightfully so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":11297,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"podcast":[81],"class_list":["post-11314","moa_podcasts","type-moa_podcasts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","podcast-the-ride-inside"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/moa_podcasts\/11314","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/moa_podcasts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/moa_podcasts"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/moa_podcasts\/11314\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11357,"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/moa_podcasts\/11314\/revisions\/11357"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11297"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"podcast","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmwmoa.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast?post=11314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}